“Uncle Sam Sees a Shrink” by Ben Grosscup

Oct 4, 2022 – Uncle Sam Sees a Shrink by Ben Grosscup

So what brought me here, shrink
Is I started to think
That perhaps I’ve gone into decline
I almost forget
When the sun never set
On countries whose rules I define

My unrivaled power
Meant nations would cower
And help my vast wealth to accrue
If one wasn’t supine
Or they got out of line
Well, I’d just take them out in a coup

And I have, by far, the most nuclear warheads
Each one is on trigger alert
My hundreds of foreign bases are spread
To maintain the control I exert

So doctor, help me. I can’t understand
Why wielding this power feels pointless and bland
Even with all my arms, my wealth, and grandeur
I still feel so insecure

And be frank with me, please
I’m down on my knees
Your words come with weighty credentials
Why am I in this pain?
Can you help me regain
The status of being essential?

It just makes me irate
When erstwhile client states
Demand that I honor their borders
I feel anxious and sick
Check the Diagnostic
Manual of Mental Disorders

Hey Doctor,
What’s the assessment at which you’ve arrived?
And where’s it explained in this text?
I’m paging up there right now in the DSM Five
[Spoken] For . . . what’s that section called again?]
The military industrial complex?
Hmmm . . .

It says the symptoms are fraudsters and hacks
Win the biggest contracts
Building jet fighters and drones
Economies go down
In the cities and towns
Once lenders start calling in loans

Doc, my global franchise
Runs on free enterprise
Your opinion has caused me frustration
Just help me to see
All the threats facing me
Like the meddling done by foreign nations

Or do you mean to imply that the very armed forces
Key to the power I’ve known,
Empty me of my best resources,
And cause me to feel so alone?

My consultants attested
That you were the best but
I clearly see now you’re a phony
I pay you too well
To be left in this hell
Of the stress that comes with hegemony

This session has only made me feel more ill
And thrown your prestige into doubt
You should have known I’m a shining city on a hill
We’re done now, and I’m walking out

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“Uncle Sam Sees a Shrink” by Ben Grosscup
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DOJ, Senate Leader Continue To Stoke Irrational Fear That Drug Dealers Are Targeting Kids With Multicolored Fentanyl

People who fail to understand the basics of supply and demand continue to insist suppliers want to kill potential customers.

DOJ, Senate Leader Continue To Stoke Irrational Fear That Drug Dealers Are Targeting Kids With Multicolored Fentanyl

The DEA is just looking for more 💰 for the idiotic war on drugs! Most likely, they’ll just imprison more people for nonviolent offenses!

The Onion Files Hilarious Amicus Brief In An Important Case, And Actually Makes A Key Point In The Best Way Possible

from the put-the-onion’s-editorial-board-on-the-supreme-court dept

Tue, Oct 4th 2022 10:45am – Mike Masnick

In most cases, it does not do you any good to try to be funny in legal filings. In most cases, judges will not be that amused (even if those same judges sometimes try to make jokey rulings). In the world of the courts, the judges can be funny, but no one else should try. But every so often it works. The ACLU’s Eat Shit, Bob filing, for example, was pretty good.

The Onion Files Hilarious Amicus Brief In An Important Case, And Actually Makes A Key Point In The Best Way Possible

H/T: Steve Lehto

Related:

The man who wrote the Onion’s Supreme Court brief takes parody very seriously

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More Conclusive Evidence that TPLF’s “Under Siege” Narrative is a lie — and that the UN is helping to peddle it

As reported in August, Tigray has had limited telecom and Internet access for some people in the region at least as far back as early May. Many sources have since confirmed they’ve received regular emails, Whatsapp and Twitter messages from contacts in Tigray for a period of at least the past 10 months.

More Conclusive Evidence that TPLF’s “Under Siege” Narrative is a lie — and that the UN is helping to peddle it